Almost a week ago, I made the small gesture of moving my tassel from one side to the other. As small a movement as it was, it carried a pretty significant meaning; I am no longer a high school student. I am that much closer to independence and adulthood.
The entire weekend of my graduation, I felt the need to blog pressing in the back of my mind. It only made sense to post something about graduation. There was no way I had nothing to say about such a big event. But every time I sat down to write, I felt stuck. The words wouldn’t come out in the right order, if they came out at all. This remained until I realized I don’t owe anyone a blog post. I write on this blog ultimately for myself, and while I have an audience, I do not owe that audience. I have the freedom to wait and give the blog post time to come out naturally.
I’ve given it almost a week, and although this week has been somewhat busy, there have been pockets of time to reflect on the past four years and the lessons I’ve learned throughout.
One of the biggest things I have seen and learned about in all four years of high school is God’s provision. In my freshman year, He opened the doors for me to become involved in the school newspaper, which kick started a passion that hasn’t faded. As a sophomore, God gave me two fantastic friends who made me feel loved and important in a place that made me feel unwelcome, lonely and isolated. Last year, God surrounded me with a community of supporters that lifted me up and encouraged me as God was working in my heart and my life.
The provision I’ve seen in the last year alone is beyond words. Through the process of applying for the ROTC scholarship, God filled me with strength, determination and patience, and He opened doors repeatedly that got me to where I am now. When I felt inadequate or uneasy, He filled me with His peace. And after an initial stinging rejection, He opened the doors for me to be accepted into Liberty’s Honors Program. Smaller, but just as meaningful, He provided me with a much-desired Arabic class that fit perfectly into my schedule. And emotionally, He gave me energy and healing after a toxic friendship.
God is a great, great provider, and He loves to meet our needs. I remember being so shocked at the story of Gideon and the fleece, because somewhere along the way I picked up the idea that we’re not allowed to ask God for clarification or signs. I thought we were supposed to sit tight and not ask questions. I thought that if you asked for a sign you were showing your doubt. When I read about Gideon and the fleece, I thought “What is this guy doing? Doesn’t he know we’re not supposed to ask questions?”
I am so glad I was wrong, and that Gideon asked God for signs so many years ago. I am so glad that my God loves me and loves when I ask Him for things. My God is so, so good, and even in the abundance of awkward, lonely, insecure moments He has used these four years in high school to meet my needs and show me His love for me.